Joint ventures

i'm putting a directory list for my boss' church
people which lists their names, members of their
families, contact numbers and email addresses...you
know...the regular bullshit.

And i'm noticing how these religious married people
SHARE their email addresses. You know, like
"thedavisfamily@..." or "johnandcarol@..." I mean it's
ONE email address for the both of them.

So at first I'm picturing myself in that situation and
thinking, "omg..that's horrible." No privacy. Whatever
I get as an email, he has access to it too. A loss of
individuality. My identity!

Or is it?

Is our individuality based on things that we do
"alone" as the term would suggest or is it really just
an emotional and spiritual level of comfort of who you
are within your own skin where your individuality
needn't be defined in solitude?

I place such a huge importance on being individual and
it makes me wonder if I know what it even means. I
mean, here I am...separated after 7 years of marriage,
in those 7 years trying to be "individual" with my own
email address and here are these people; thriving in
their family lives with their joint email accounts. I
mean....should I be pointing MY finger at THEM??

Of course there are so many factors to consider and we
can't ever judge a book by its dualnamed cover, but
sometimes I wonder....

All that to say is that I'm finding out that being
individual isn't so much a physical thing; although it
is important to have your "own" time. It's a mental
and spiritual thing and when only when you are happy
with who are can you truly be individual. Then it
wouldn't bother you to have a joint email. Because it
wouldn't matter.

And maybe we place TOO MUCH importance on this
individuality! Maybe we got it wrong and we pose some
unrealistic expectations on two people who are just
trying to make it work but we put SINGULAR
expectations on a PLURAL situation. Are our
expectations just setting us up to fail?

I am going through a shopping list (in the emotional store
from hell) of emotions. Confusion. Fear.
Insecurity. A newfound passion for life and the people
in it. Loneliness. Eagerness. Defeat. Strength.
Courage. Freedom.

But sometimes, i sit there and while I never regret
the years past, I am reluctant to move forward because
that would mean starting again and that would beckon
an answer to the question...

"now what?"

Of which I am not only without an answer, but also
without the desire to search or question myself for
one at this point.

And time waits for no one.