Things that irk me

So...what exactly does ".....(in my) heart of hearts" mean? It's retarded is what it is.

Bad grammar irks me. I mean, if you're over 12, you've studied grammar extensively (or you should have anyway) so there's really no reason to not know the proper use of "there" "they're" and "their". So quick lesson:

"Look over THERE." (a location)
"I'm going to THEIR house (proprietary...belonging to...)
"They're coming over for dinner" (a shortened form of THEY ARE)

There's (THERE IS) more, but I'm digressing...

People who misuse "literally" also irks me. To say something like, "my eyes literally popped out of my head", you'd better be looking like something out of Looney Tunes (like when they drink something that is way too hot). So, unless you're sitting in an emergency room somewhere, cupping your eyeballs so that you're not kicking them as you walk, it's pretty accurate to say, you've misused the word. And that irks me.

Unwiped countertops irk me. Crumbs are bad. They are not our friends. Their only friends are ants. And I hate ants too.

Tyra Banks irks me too. I really want to like her because she seems like a nice enough person who has no idea how self centered she really is and how she will have every conversation lead up to something about her. I really don't think she knows she's an asshole and I don't think anyone in her entourage has the balls to tell her. She's one of those famous people who say stuff like, "I'm just a normal person, just like everyone else." People who say that don't really believe their own bullshit, in fact, THEY'RE the ones who think they're special.

Religion and the rapture. I had never heard about the rapture until someone left a note on my windshield wiper. I'm not going to lie, it freaked me right out at first. I was expecting to see something on the news about it that night. But no...it was just another religious propaganda to scare people straight. That doesn't bother me actually. It sort of amuses me.

Yes, I've led a sheltered anti-religious life. All the jesus freaks I've been exposed to lately have made me feel like I'm in bizarro land. It's like this, I don't care if the rapture takes you or takes me...but one of us has to go. If the destination doesn't have too much humidity and open bar, I'll volunteer.

Pet therapists, and worse, people who buy that crap bother me. The Dog Whisperer on the other hand, is brilliant. He applies common sense to animal behavior. Who would have thought?

People who take up a parking space and a half. They deserve to find their side mirror under their windshield wiper.

Pedestrians who walk across the parking lot lane diagonally while you're trying to get past them in your car. If there's ever been a good enough reason to run someone over, it's then. I have to talk myself out of just jamming my foot on the gas.

Waiting more than 10 minutes after your appointment time. Do I need to define "appointment"?

Unruly children irk me. Real bad. Parents (and I used that term loosely) who let their kids run rampant like rabid poodles in restaurants. Is it wrong that I get this overwhelming urge to punt them like a football fieldgoal? AND do the little victory dance afterward? Is that wrong?

It also irks me when my neighbors' kids throw their balls against my windows and when the parent is confronted by a highly aggravated and pissed off 'me'; Instead of saying, 'sorry, I'll make them stop.', they say "Oh, if they break a window, we'll pay for it."

"Oh...okay then. Knock yourselves out, kids. And when you're done with the house, please feel free to move on to my car. No really, I insist."

Parents who allow their kids to 'drive' the shopping cart and are oblivious of the very real fact that their kids are "mowing" down other people, like me (the desire to punt is hard to resist). And you have to smile and bear it because they're kids and you don't want to propagate the reputation of being the neighhorhood "dragon lady". This is getting personal.

Do you f'in believe this?? Believe it. It makes my uterus say, "I want no part of this." I can LITERALLY hear my uterus talk.

And it uses proper grammar.